Lesson 1 in mourning: You deserve your sorrows.

Mourning is an integral part of the process of dealing with Trauma. It is integral to any kind of trauma. Whether it is emotional loss due to the loss of a loved one, or whether it is due to a health issue, or an accident resulting in something as traumatic as an amputation.

After any traumatic event, there needs to be a period of mourning. And most people will find it challenging to mourn.

It is because, as a custom, everyone tries to sell you happiness. There is an accepted norm in our sociocultural model that ‘Happiness is good. Sorrow is bad.

This is not true however. There is a saying in Hindu philosophy.

Sorrow is a nectar that cleanses the soul.

Our sorrows are as essential towards self improvement as our joys, pleasures, blessings, achievements etc.

Most people externalize anything negative that happens to them. The loss of a loved one – if it is through a breakup – people tend to blame the other individual, the partner who left them, for their emotional distress. If it is through death, they tend to blame god.

One of the first requirements of mourning is for the individual to understand that they deserve whatever they are going through. It is only when you internalize the blame, when you accept that you deserve whatever it is that you are feeling, it is only then that you start to seek out the reasons why you deserve your sorrows.

This is the first step to personal growth, and your first step on the path to change.